Family, Gratitude, Holidays, Spiritual

Fear Not; I Will Help Thee

Psalms 16:1  Preserve me, O God: for in thee do I put my trust.Isaiah 41:13: For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.

I’m having a tough day today. There’s no sugar-coating it. Serious things are going on, and I don’t know how to fix them. It’s December 17. Christmas Eve is a week away, and the only thing I can see coming my way for Christmas is an eviction notice.

Even with her raise, the check Valerie will get today won’t be enough to pay the rent. It will probably cover most of the rent, but not all. And, of course, we also need to take money out of that for gas so she can get back and forth to work, which isn’t cheap. 

I’ve turned in the first book and done the revisions, but there’s no word from my publisher about whether or not they’ve accepted the book. Until the book is officially accepted and the paperwork done and sent through to the contracts department, there’s no possibility of another check for me. I’ve tried everything I know to bring in enough money to supplement Valerie’s check, but every door has been firmly shut in my face. I have one more possibility to bring in a little — like maybe $25 or $50, and I’m going to go work on that as soon as I’m finished here but I’m not holding my breath.

But today’s the day. The landlord is waiting for the rent before the end of business, and we don’t have it. And let’s not even talk about the Gulf Power bill. I think we have 3 or 4 more days until we face shut-off on that score, too. Just in time for Christmas.

Fear or FaithVanessa, Ian and the kids are leaving tomorrow for Missouri and they’ll be gone until after the new year. I’ll miss them over the holidays, but this is actually fine. I often think about Ian’s mother being so far away from the kids and the grandkids, and I know how I’d feel if I were in her shoes, so I celebrate in my heart every chance she gets to see her son, my daughter, and our beautiful grandchildren. I’m just thankful that Valerie’s here with me. We can hunker down and watch Christmas movies for the holidays. Maybe feast on some Ramen noodles 🙂 

Some dear friends have invited us for Christmas dinner, and some other dear friends may also want to get together for the holiday, so we won’t be alone — and even if we were, that would be okay too. It’s really not bothering me. I mean, yeah, I would love to be surrounded by my family, but I’m not going into a downward spiral over it. That’s a blessing.

While the kids and grandkids spend quality time with Ian’s family, I plan to work and work hard on book #2 in the mystery series and a proposal I talked to my editor at Harlequin about. Six days shall I labor …

There’s not a single present under our tree, but that’s okay. We’re mostly healthy — if you don’t count whatever Vanessa’s mysterious ailment is that the doctors still can’t figure out after all these months of tests. I’m counting blessings that her doctors ruled out Crohn’s disease, cancer, and colitis this week. And if you don’t count Valerie’s tooth that’s been giving her problems for the past week.

I’m praying that she’ll be able to get to the dentist some day soon and that it won’t become abscessed before she can get there.I’m a lot healthier this year than I was last year, although I’ve run out of iron and I can feel the depression nipping at my heels again — but it’s a vague threat and I’m praying it will stay that way. (See above mention of downward spiral. It’s not happening. That’s a blessing.) The grandkids are healthy, and I’m so grateful for that. 

My mom is doing pretty well. That’s good. She’s planning to come here to visit me early in 2011, and I’m excited for her to see where we live. My sister will come with her and then come back to get her, so I’ll get to see her too! I’ll miss seeing my brother, brother-in-law, my nieces and nephews and their kids over the holidays, but I’m really, really hoping that I’ll be able to get back to Utah some time in 2011 to see all my family and friends.So why am I putting all of this “out there?”

Am I whining? Actually, no. I hope it doesn’t sound like I am. Isn’t it embarrassing to admit that we’re in this situation? Well, yeah. A little. But not really. It’s not as if we’re just sitting around waiting for a miracle. Valerie’s working. I’m working. We’re trying. We’re tithing faithfully on every penny that comes into the house. We’re praying and doing everything we know to do. We’re even taking a course on how to deal with our money God’s way.

The practical principals are all things I already know and that we have already been using for years, but the opportunity to take this class came about in a very interesting way, and when God smacks me upside the head with something, I try to listen and do what He suggests.I’m putting this out there because God smacked me upside the head this morning and strongly suggested that I write this. I don’t know why, but much as I personally don’t want to write this, I’m not going to question Him. I’m a slow study in some ways, but at least I’ve learned that questioning His ways is … well, stupid.

Maybe I’m supposed to put this out there because a big, fat miracle is in the offing. Maybe I need to publicly admit how bad things are so that when God delivers His big, fat miracle at 11:59, I can share that publicly, too. Wouldn’t that be nice?

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